One day a busload of some church group came through the gas station. One of the young women, no more than sixteen years old, walked up to the counter. She seemed nervous, looking around as if to make sure that God was not standing behind her. She opened her mouth and for a second no words came out.
“How much is this?” she whispered, pushing a packet of condoms towards me.
I looked at her, then looked at the older church members standing by the Deli. So guess what your friendly village trouble maker did? I held up the condoms and yelled, “Price check on condoms!” All the old church people turned around and looked over at us. That girl looked like she wanted to crawl into the baptism pool and hide from the grace of God. One of the older ladies started to walk over. The young lady made a bee-line to the door, the old lady in hot pursuit, her bible waving over her head, “Oh Jesus! Lord, child, what get into you? Jesus help her ‘cause I will beat the devil out of her.”
Her church hat tilted to one side as she stumbled out behind the young lady and everyone in the gas station was laughing. I guess I had just saved a young lady from the jaws of sexual deviance.
I was never around too many church girls back home. Catholic girls, yes, but no Protestants. I used to see them walking by. They never wore pants, or makeup, and they would never talk to us Catholic heathens. That is until they were away from the grownups; then they talked a mile a second. I did go to an outdoor crusade one night. I was kicked out because they said I was disturbing their preaching. Oh don’t think I am a little devil boy. What happened is they asked for people to come up and testify and one of the young men made me a little mad. He said he did not think of sinning anymore. Well just before the meeting started, he had brought some benches out and some older ladies sat on it. This young man went into a tirade of words that would make the Virgin Mary blush. Now here he is talking about being pure and sinless. So I stood up and contested his testimony. The congregation got upset, called me the devil and some even started speaking in tongues. For a second I thought I was in a Voodoo meeting. They said they were going to call the police so I hightailed it out of there. That is what I got for smoking a joint before going to that camp meeting. I could never keep my mouth shut when I was blazed up.